Listening

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” –Ralph G. Nichols

Children communicate with us in many different ways. Babies turn their heads away when overstimulated, toddlers often adopt “no” as their favorite word, verbal children will often protest and negotiate, and many child-development experts remind us that “all behavior is communication.” Sometimes as parents we don’t want to listen. Sometimes we want our child to engage in a way they don’t want to, or we grow tired of hearing “no,” or get frustrated with our children’s counter-proposals. Try to notice and become aware of any resistance you have to hearing your child. Try to remember how frustrating it is when you feel you aren’t being listened to. Although you may need to uphold a limit you’ve set, you can still listen to your child. You can still acknowledge how hard it is for them. Here’s just one example of what that might sound like: “I understand that you want to stay at the park. It’s time to go home now. I know it’s hard to have to leave when you want to stay. I understand. I hear you.” You can also show that you are listening when they are happy by sharing what you’re hearing or observing from them. This can be as simple as saying, “Wow. That sounds like it was exciting for you.”

What are your own needs around being heard and understood? How are you meeting those needs outside of your children?