Loving

“Love is as love does. Love is an act of will--namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” –M. Scott Peck, M.D.

For many of us, M. Scott Peck’s assertion that love is a choice runs counter to societal messages of “falling” in love or the notion that “you can’t help who you love.” Author bell hooks expands on Peck’s take on love: “To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility.” In her book All About Love: New Visions, hooks seeks to give shape to what it means to love. She writes, “To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients--care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.” 

Nowhere is this idea of loving being about action and accountability more relevant than in parenting and taking care of children. When I first read All About Love, it was a major shift in thinking for me. Many years later, as I prepared to become a parent, I knew that it was important to not just define my parenting in opposition to what didn’t serve me as a child but to be proactive in what I was aspiring to. I journaled about this and later, after my daughter was born, I created artwork for her wall that affirms that she deserves respect, patience, integrity, commitment, joy, attention, security, encouragement, unconditional love, and guidance. This artwork serves as a reminder of my aspirations as a parent whenever I look at it and I hope it is one of the things that helps her have a clear understanding of her worth and what it means to love and be loved.

What does love in action look like for you today?